It was only a matter of time....
Recipes Inspired By Star Trek Aliens!
I'm a huge fan of James Lileks, so when I spotted "100 Recipes from 100 of the Greatest Restaurants" at a local thrift store I snapped it up, knowing it would bring me hours of joy. The cookbook is presented by none other than Benson & Hedges 100s. Clearly, these are recipes made for people who have burned their taste buds beyond recognition.
Case in point, The Windsor restaurant in Los Angeles CA sent the editors at B&H their crowd pleaser, Tournados of Beef Queen of Sheba. Don't know where the Queen of Sheba part comes from, these things look more like Yarnek from the Star Trek episode, the Savage Curtain.
These are supposed to be 100 Greatest Recipes from 100 Greatest Restaurants. So when asked to send their signature recipe why did Canlis' in San Francisco, send a recipe for plain old Salad?
"Mr Canlis, it's Benson and Hedges on the phone, they want a recipe for their book. What should I tell them?"
"The cigarette people again? Tell them to go to hell!"
"But they said smokers spend more money in restaurants than non smokers and this is a great way to get more of their business."
"Smokers spend more TIME in restaurants, smoking and talking, not eating!"
"Can we give them anything at all?"
"Give them salad recipe on back of Wishbone bottle. And tell those sons of bitches I want full color spread!"
At least Rancho Del Rio in Tuscon sent a recipe that no other restaurant would own up to creating:
Chilled Gazpacho Soup.
Doesn't sound so bad until you see the ingredients: Beef gravy base, onions, Worcestershire sauce, beef broth (getting hungry yet?) celery and Chablis.
Chilled for 24 hours.
So you'll have plenty of time to haul on one soothing, olfactory-snuffin' B&H 100 after another.
Yup, all your old fave characters will still be here as well: Skellie, Jack and of course Marno's BFF, Bindi Frazzenfrappa.